Just mADE A PArabola og urine
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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