I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
