forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
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Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
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Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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