sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
