I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I queefed so loud it echoed.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
