woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
