margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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