ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
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