i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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