There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
