Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
