i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
