I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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