talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
