The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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