Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
