He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
