you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
