i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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