Yo dont text me then not text me
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
