the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
