NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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