woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
