Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
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His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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