I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
