Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
