so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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