Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
