put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
