Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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