Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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