I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
