I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
