Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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