its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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