i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
