her vagine was all disorganized.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize