okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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