The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
