seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
