I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
