He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
