I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Panties = found
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