I cannot find my penis.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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