the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
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Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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