This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
