dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
