I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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