oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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