wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
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