summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
