I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
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she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
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i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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