Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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