i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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