either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
