yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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