i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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