your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
