Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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