Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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