I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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