If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
