What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
