stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
