God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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