I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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